2026 March 24 Pull vs Push!

This week we're going to talk about pull motivation versus push motivation — a subject I mentioned last week in reference to my mom learning to use computers, email, and Facebook when she was around 85 years old. The reason she finally did it was the biggest pull motivation I think exists for almost every grandma: it would allow her to see pictures of her grandchildren, her children, and her relatives more easily and more frequently.

The strongest force on earth is a grandma's desire to see pictures of her grandkids, and I suspect empires have been lost and gained on that energy alone. In fact, in Greek mythology, Demeter and Persephone — mother and child — with the help of a grandmother figure, Hecate in some versions, take on Zeus, the God of Gods, and compel him to give the daughter back from the underworld. That's the basis of the Earth's seasons. Read up on that if you're interested, but simply put: don't mess with grandmas.

The serious side of it, though, is this: my mom was terrified of computers and the internet. There were stories in the papers practically every week about people who had lost all their money to scams online. She had a real, genuine fear, and for years she resisted my urging to at least try some things — because there was a lot she could find out about and different things she could do. That was push motivation. Her son — me — telling her to do something because he thought it would be fun and interesting.

What got her to change was either one of my siblings or her cousin, I don't remember which, but someone showed her pictures they could pull up on her computer by going to their Facebook page. From that moment, the battle was over. They used her computer to get information she desired — and she could do it anytime she wanted. There was no further discussion, other than, "How fast can you teach me how to use Google and Facebook?" Just an amazing example of pull motivation. Same outcome, more frequent updates about the family. Same risk — all the news stories and everything else were the same. But she switched her viewpoint, and that switch led to action.

Pull versus push — and that same technique can be used in many situations and for many different outcomes.

I hear a lot of people say they don't want to be a burden on their children. It often comes up in terms of health, money, and other areas. Let's look at the health aspect.

Things like dieting and exercise are often seen as push activities. It's something you don't want to do, but you should — or you should not. "I shouldn't have dessert. I should walk more." Just saying those words kind of takes your energy away, doesn't it? The first issue is the presentation. How about instead: "I'm so glad I'm still able to walk every morning and evening with my friends." Or, "I'm skipping dessert tonight so I can go to the big breakfast at church tomorrow." Suddenly those turn into more of a pull situation. They're enabling some activity that you're excited about doing.

What about the long-term reason? How about: "I love to walk and exercise because then I can still pick up and hold my grandchildren" — or "I can still take my dog on a walk to the lake every weekend." That's a lot better. Now it's not about one activity, but rather a longer-term plan.

Why that's so important is because you have to decide pretty much every day what you're going to do — what you can and can't eat, how you're going to be active, how you're going to exercise. If that becomes a daily decision, it leads toward decision fatigue, which means you're more likely to stop. An even better way: if you can do it consistently for about ten weeks or so — and this is an average figure — then it most likely becomes part of your normal routine, a habit, and you no longer have to think about it at all. In fact, it feels a little odd when you can't do it for some reason.

That is far more sustainable. It doesn't tax your brain as much. It makes the future goal not only seem possible, but normal and expected. Try to remember some other habit you couldn't complete because of circumstances — maybe it was brushing your teeth after eating because you were at a restaurant. The meal just doesn't feel quite complete because you didn't do all the steps. That's one of the big advantages of habits. They are naturally more of a pull motivation. It's not necessarily that you love the activity, but you know it's part of a routine, and it feels awkward when you don't complete it.

Coming back to the idea of not wanting to be a burden on your children — another often huge motivation is simply letting them know that you're taking care of yourself and your health. They'll probably give you positive feedback on that, because even if it isn't always mentioned, they too are often concerned about having to care for you as you age. If you show them everything you're actually doing to age gracefully, they'll likely be appreciative and supportive. And realistically, if you're doing reasonable things to help yourself age in place better, it only makes sense that the people around you will be more enthusiastic about helping you if problems do arise.

Caring for yourself is self-respect, and you can't expect others to respect and care for you if you won't even do it for yourself. I know those are difficult words, but the point is to change the conversation you're having with yourself. You have to be important to yourself — not in a prima donna sort of way, but in an "I have value, and I need to treat myself well" sort of way. When you do that, it shows others not only that you care about yourself, but that you also care about the people who know you. And that's the nicest way to show someone that you care about them.

My mom lived to 99, and to the very end she was still exercising, socializing, being active, and always had a smile for others. It wasn't to prove anything. It was to show everyone who cared for her that she was the captain of her own team, and that she wanted to be as good as she could be.

So, a quick recap: in almost every situation, a pull goal is easier than a push goal. When it seems there are things you should do — and probably don't want to — if you're saying "should," see if you can reframe it as something you can do that allows you to get a bigger reward in the future. That reframing will pull you toward the desired outcome instead of relying on willpower to push you toward something you feel obligated to do.

Then try to tie that into a longer-term goal — not just today or tomorrow, but maybe months, maybe even years into the future. You'll start to recognize why it's helping you over time, even if the changes today are very small or not yet visible.

Finally, if you can make it happen consistently for around ten weeks, it will likely become a habit, and you won't have to think about it at all. Actually, it'll feel a little odd when you don't do it — and that's when the change becomes most sustainable.

Don't forget: taking care of yourself is the first step in showing others you care for them.

As always, remember to care for yourself — and one of the best ways to do that is to care for others. UKR7.com supports people in Ukraine. WCK.org — World Central Kitchen — works in disaster sites around the world. And there are always local charities who can use help too. Even something as simple as a smile can change someone else's day in ways you can't even imagine.

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Love and encouragement to everyone. See you next week on 7EveryMinute and 7EveryMinute.com.