2026 April 7 Who are you anyway!

Hi, this is Jim Cranston from 7EveryMinute and 7EveryMinute.com, the podcast and website about reimagining your life. Thanks for joining me to talk about what really makes us who we are. If you like what you hear today, please leave a like, subscribe, tell your friends, and send me a message.

This week we're going to be talking about identity. Identity can be defined as "the set of physical traits, behaviors, beliefs, values, and social affiliations that define who a person or group is, distinguishing them from others." That's from Psychology Today, and it's a fairly complete definition that covers most of the key parts.

It does kind of skip over culture, which you could argue is just a grouping of those characteristics and skills — which I suppose could be lumped into behaviors. But when we describe ourselves, unless we're somewhat practiced at it, we tend to define ourselves by what we do, which is usually our job. I'm an engineer. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I'm a construction worker. All those other aspects that we know make up who we are get glossed over, or somehow assumed to be associated with our profession.

Here's a quick side story. I was at Sam's Club and there were these two women, both in their late middle age, struggling to get a case of water into their cart. It was six gallons, so the box weighed about 50 pounds — understandable. So I put it in the cart for them, and one of them said, "But how do we get it out?" I replied, "Open the box and take them out one at a time." The other one said, "What do you do for a living?" I told her I was an engineer, to which she said, "I knew it." I found her association between problem-solving and engineering quite fascinating, since almost every job and career I'm aware of consists mostly of problem-solving in one way or another. But for her, breaking the problem of moving six bottles of water down into smaller pieces meant I must be an engineer.

This is how our society groups people. We take some subset of characteristics and define all members of that group by those traits. I could also have said I play musical instruments, which is very common among technical people. I take care of my health — also very common. I can type faster than most secretaries, which used to be very common among people who worked with computers. But society defines me and those like me as logical thinkers who solve problems. Done. End of story.

So it's easy to fall into the trap of believing that very limited, single-viewpoint definition of ourselves. As a young man, I did ignore most of my other characteristics and define myself by my career. It was a source of pride and stature in a way. It implied I'd finished college, though there was no reason to explain exactly how long that actually took. There were a bunch of other assumptions that came along with it, most of which were wrong when applied to me. But it was a handy shorthand when meeting people.

However, after many years, we forget what it really is — a shorthand, an abbreviation. It's like saying, "That car? It's a sports car." But is that a cute little used Mazda that costs $5,000, or is it an exotic foreign car that costs over a million dollars and can go 300 miles an hour? "Sports car" doesn't really define much of anything. Abbreviations and summaries are useful, but only to a point — especially when we're describing ourselves.

Because if I describe myself as a well-rounded, technically versatile, musically inclined, health-conscious, physically active, religiously involved person who can sing in two languages and has a wide diversity of interests — who also works as an engineer and a podcaster — that presents me in a far different way than if I just say, "I'm an engineer." Totally different story.

Now, remember that our brain is always, always listening to what we say to ourselves. That self-talk helps train our brain about how we should view ourselves and what we believe. So when we define ourselves in a very limited way, our brain is going to see us in that same very limited manner. That's not a surprise — it's what we keep telling it.

When you retire, or get laid off, or have a medical situation that changes your opportunities, how do you think your brain responds? If we've been defining ourselves in a single dimension, and that life change affects that single dimension, your brain is going to think things are pretty much hopeless. Because it had been spending all its time making sure we were capable of doing that one thing — because that's how we defined ourselves. We were actually doing all those other things I mentioned, but we never told our brain they mattered. So to our brain, they didn't matter.

And this is exactly what throws people into their identity gap. When one aspect of their life changes — but they've been defining themselves by that single aspect — suddenly they lose their sense of worth and their sense of meaning. They feel invisible. If they go to a party and someone asks, "What do you do?" they say, "Oh, I'm retired. I used to be an engineer." That really does sound past tense, doesn't it? I used to be something, but now I'm not. Or, being even more direct about it: now I'm nothing.

But what if instead, when someone asked "What do you do?" they answered: "I love music. I'm health-conscious. I'm still physically active. I'm religiously involved. I can sing in two languages. Now I have a podcast. I used to work as an engineer, and I have a wide range of interests." How amazingly different does that sound? Same person, different perspective — and very importantly, only one aspect has changed.

In my case, I still work in a technical space, just now as a hobby and a consultant. I have no more or less reason to feel meaningless now than I did five months ago. No identity gap — because most of my identity really didn't change.

Now, there are other aspects people often bring up, like the social side of work or schedule management. I think some of those are a bit of an excuse. I learned long ago that when your work buddy takes a job in another state, most likely you won't stay in touch much. And if you do stay in touch, it's because you'd become actual friends — and that would have continued with or without the shared job connection.

For most people, I think the core issue is that we've let ourselves fall into the trap of accepting society's very simplistic definition of who we are. So what's the solution? Every day, every time you think about yourself or talk about yourself to someone else, present a more complete picture of who you really are. You aren't just your profession or your career. You're a multifaceted individual with many talents.

If you watch any interviews or podcasts with guests, good interviewers almost always introduce their guests not just by their big headline characteristic — like, "She won six Grammys" — but they also include many other details. "She won those Grammys while also starting a camp for young single moms and then decided to run the Boston Marathon." Everybody has multiple aspects, because we really do have many dimensions. And people are genuinely interested in all the things that make others unique — and those other people are equally interested in you.

So don't be bashful. Don't be shy. Don't think they don't care. When you think about yourself and describe yourself — both to yourself and to others — give the whole story. Not just the easy one-liner. Include some of the other details that make you different and more human. You'll probably be surprised how many times someone responds with something like, "No way, I play Scottish bagpipes too!" Okay, that might not be the best example, but you get what I mean. Conversation like that opens the door to more conversation. Equally important, it helps you and them to see that you're still an interesting person with a lot to offer in many different ways.

And personally, it helps you stop thinking in terms of what you used to be — because in reality, most of what you used to be hasn't changed at all. There's no reason to feel invisible or meaningless. If you present yourself as meaningless, there's no reason for someone else to think any differently. But if you present yourself as an interesting person, that's exactly how they'll perceive you.

In many cases, you may find that people get genuinely excited — perhaps they were thinking about their own retirement, and talking to you made them realize it's just a new opportunity.

Tonight I've got a little homework for you — first time in a while! Think about how you describe yourself. If it's currently a one-word or short-phrase job title, think about some of the other aspects that make you who you are. Extra credit if you take it a step further and flesh it out into a little party introduction. It can still be short — 10 to 20 seconds — but give someone else a peek into some of your other interests.

As always, remember: one of the best ways to care for yourself is to care for others. Please check out UKR7.com, which focuses on helping Ukraine through a truly difficult situation, and WCK.org — World Central Kitchen — which goes to disaster areas around the world. Both are international sites, but local charities can always use your support too. And sometimes something as simple as a smile can change someone's day in ways you can't even imagine.

A friend of mine also sent me a fascinating interview with José Andrés today — I'm not quite through it yet, but I'm about two-thirds of the way in and it's about an hour and a half long. Truly fascinating person and the work he does.

As always, thank you for stopping by. If you found something interesting and useful, please pass it along, subscribe, hit that like button, and drop me a comment about what you'd like to hear. Have a great week, and remember to live the life that you dream of — because that's the path to contentment. Love and encouragement to everyone. See you next week on 7EveryMinute and 7EveryMinute.com.