2026 April 14 What is our Identity?

Hi, this is Jim Cranston from 7EveryMinute and 7EveryMinute.com, the podcast and website about reimagining your life. Thanks for joining me today to talk about identity.

This week we're continuing our conversation about identity. Last week, we said identity can be defined as a combination of physical traits, behaviors, beliefs, values, and more. We also talked about how it's often assigned to us as a kind of shorthand — our identity gets rolled up into our profession or career.

We spoke about how that shorthand, that work-based version of identity, doesn't hold up well when we retire or go through a big life change. That's what leads to what we call the identity gap. And we went over how your identity is really made up of all the internal and external characteristics that define your thoughts and behaviors — and that those don't have to change just because your circumstances do.

Tonight we're focusing on one specific piece of that: the idea that our perception of ourselves can be shaped by our own beliefs, and that it can be changed on purpose.

What got me thinking about this was an article in the Wall Street Journal weekend edition — in the style and fashion section — about older male models. It's called "The Old and the Beautiful." Many of the men profiled were in their early through late sixties, with some as old as 75. They were all essentially pretty normal-looking guys who had clearly stayed physically active. They were in good shape, but more than anything, they simply looked confident. Not overly confident or self-impressed — just confident. Even off camera, they carried themselves well. They dressed nicely, but not fashionably.

That second part is really important. They weren't defining themselves by what they wore, but they clearly selected what they wore to look right on themselves. One of them often appeared in a coat he said was 30 years old — but it fit him perfectly. It wasn't a fashion statement. It was a confidence statement.

Also worth noting: a number of these men didn't start modeling until after a career in some completely unrelated field. One of them had done window displays and other marketing work at a department store for years. What they all had, in a variety of ways, was a strong, positive belief in themselves. They also exercised and watched what they ate — but they did it for health, not for appearance. They all looked fit, but they weren't built. And looking healthy ages much better than trying to look like a strongman.

I also looked up older women who are known for being confident or appearing confident. I found some of the expected names — people like Tina Turner, Dolly Parton, Jane Goodall. But it was interesting that most of the suggestions were people who had spent their lives in fashion. That was a not-so-subtle reminder that society still has a very biased view of how confidence is perceived differently between the sexes. Still, there were some solid lists of women, both modern and historical, who when you hear their names, you typically think of them as confident, groundbreaking, or both.

And that's really the point. As we age, the popular story in society is that we're becoming — or have already become — essentially useless. A burden. Incapable of contributing anything meaningful. Invisible. The reality, however, is quite different. As the Wall Street Journal article shows, there's a group of decidedly older men — some up to 75 years old — who are actively sought out by modeling agencies precisely because they've aged. They've become more sophisticated and elegant. According to one modeling agency owner, they can make any well-fitting clothing look cool because they bring a certain swagger and confidence to every look.

They don't do these things despite being older. They can do them precisely because they're older. They've lived life. They have a better understanding of what's important and what isn't. They know themselves, they know their experience, and they know their value.

And that's the real message tonight.

It's not gender-based, but what defines your identity is, honestly, mostly up to you. If you feel meaningless, others will perceive you as meaningless. If you feel confident, others will perceive you as confident. Listen closely to the words you use to describe yourself — we talked about this last week. If they're all past tense and diminutive, that's how your brain will perceive you, and that's how you'll act. If you describe yourself with confidence, that's how you'll show up instead.

And this is right about where most people start coming up with reasons why what I just said isn't true or doesn't apply to them. "Jim, I'm not some gorgeous model." "I've never been good at self-image." "I've never been someone who comes across well." Every one of those thoughts, and all the related thoughts that go with them, are just stories you've made up about yourself that you keep telling yourself.

We'll talk about how to change those stories another time. But the most important thing to understand right now is that they really are just stories. It may have been something a relative said to you after a school play, or something a childhood friend said. But you do get to write your own story — in your own head.

Gary Vaynerchuk recently posted something that was pretty funny. He posted the entire spiral of our solar system — that big sweeping image you've probably seen — and there was an arrow pointing to an impossibly small spot on it that said, "And that's you being afraid to ask someone out on a date." The point being: we let our own fears and biases dictate the world we live in. We're trained by society to do that, so that we comply with society's rules. But when those rules are just plain wrong — like the rules that allow and encourage ageism, age bias, and actions that undermine our own self-worth simply based on our age — there's no valid reason to keep following them.

A lot of those guys in the article didn't look classically handsome. But they all looked confident in themselves. In the words of John Pearson, one of the men profiled who is currently 60: "Be still with yourself, know that you are a badass and that you look good and they're taking a picture for some reason." In other words, don't overthink it. Have the confidence that you are everything you need to be.

So that's it for tonight. Your homework is to pay attention to the self-talk you say to yourself. Notice whether it's positive or somewhat negative. Write down some of the common things you say about yourself. Then, for extra points, rewrite some of those common self-descriptions to be more positive — or more complete, if they're already positive — and try saying those new versions instead.

Thank you for joining us tonight. As always, remember that one of the best ways to care for yourself is to care for others. Please visit UKR7.com for links to organizations helping the people of Ukraine, and WCK.org for World Central Kitchen — just an amazing group that works in disaster sites and is typically among the first to arrive when catastrophe strikes. And remember, there are also plenty of local charities always looking for help. If you're not in a position to give, or just not in the mood, even a simple smile can change someone else's day in ways you can't even imagine.

As always, thank you for stopping by. If you found something interesting or useful, please pass it along, subscribe, and hit that like button. Drop me a comment and let me know what you'd like to hear. Have a great week, and remember — live the life that you dream of, because that's the path to true contentment. Love and encouragement to everyone. See you next week on 7EveryMinute and 7EveryMinute.com.